Conan O'Brien's Funniest Tweets

 
Created by Mike

My horoscope says I "never let a struggle stop me." At least that's what I think it says, I can't get the cookie all the way open.

Kim Kardashian is mad that Playboy released nude photos of her. I know how she feels--I still haven’t forgiven “Pasty Gent Monthly.”

"Elena Kagan got onto the Supreme Court with no previous judicial experience." That’s what I just wrote on my Brain Surgeon job application.

My new bathroom at TBS has two railings around the toilet. Those idiots - I asked for four. http://twitpic.com/2e1cwa

Jersey Shore has added a new woman to the cast for their next season. No word yet on whether or not she likes to party.

Newsweek was just sold for $1. To show you how media has changed, the asking price for my twitter account is 65 billion dollars. Cash.

Tried changing my Facebook status to “craving gumbo” but Facebook automatically changed it to “BOYCOTT THE FACEBOOK MOVIE. IT’S ALL LIES!”

My wife is out of town for a few days. When the cat's away, the mice will watch G String Divas.

Ricky Gervais asked me to tweet that his movie Cemetery Junction is playing at Mann Theatre in Glendale. I refuse.

I thought it would be funny to stuff my kids’ Christmas stockings with actual stockings. I’ve never heard crying like that.

We shouldn’t name hurricanes. It only encourages them.

Happy Father’s Day. After I was born, my father renamed it “Happy ‘Don’t Try to Pin This One on Me’ Day.”

It’s been a crazy ride, but I finally hold the record! No one has hosted “Conan” more times than I have.

Comments